Woman Shares IVF Journey of Loss and Resilience in Podcast

Dee Kelly’s journey to parenthood began in 2020 but quickly turned into a five-year struggle marked by repeated loss and failed fertility treatments. After conceiving shortly after starting in vitro fertilization (IVF), her optimism was shattered when she experienced her first miscarriage at an 11-week scan in early 2021. In the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, her husband, Alan Kelly, was not allowed in the room, adding to her distress during this traumatic moment.

Following this heartbreak, Dee underwent a dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure with the expectation of conceiving again soon. She did, but this pregnancy also ended in miscarriage, requiring yet another D&C. Complications arose during the second procedure, leading to further medical concerns. As Dee recalls, “I kept bleeding and was told it was fine, but I knew it wasn’t.” Eventually, a private scan revealed retained tissue that required additional surgery, putting her at risk for serious infection.

Over the next three years, Dee endured various fertility treatments, including Clomid, multiple IVF cycles, and embryo transfers, all met with disappointment. By the end of 2021, her struggles took a toll on her mental health. “I was having suicidal thoughts. I had become obsessed,” she reflects. She found herself navigating this challenging landscape without adequate support or counseling, despite investing significant financial resources into her treatments.

In 2022, an IVF pregnancy resulted in a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, leading to an emergency situation where she lost two litres of blood. “I had no idea an ectopic pregnancy was even a risk with IVF,” Dee admits, underscoring the lack of information often provided to patients. Following a lengthy hospital stay that included blood transfusions, she faced yet another setback when, in January 2024, another IVF attempt ended in miscarriage. A subsequent natural pregnancy resulted in a chemical pregnancy, leaving her feeling defeated at the age of 45.

Dee’s experiences reflect a broader issue within the discourse surrounding fertility. She emphasizes the lack of conversation about unsuccessful IVF journeys, stating, “People share the IVF success stories. They don’t talk about when it doesn’t work out. But that’s just as real.” The emotional impact of her losses extended beyond the pregnancies themselves; she mourned not only the children she lost but also the future she envisioned filled with milestones and family moments.

In response to her experiences, Dee has taken proactive steps to change the narrative around fertility struggles. She launched a podcast titled Finding Space, where she interviews women about their own experiences with pregnancy loss and fertility challenges. Through this platform, she aims to foster a supportive community and raise awareness about the need for better resources for those facing similar journeys.

Additionally, Dee is advocating for legislative change in Ireland, supporting Nicola Ryan’s pregnancy loss bill, which seeks to introduce paid leave for those experiencing miscarriage and create a register for documenting such events. She highlights the stark contrast between the support offered during bereavement and the silence that often surrounds miscarriage. “When someone dies, you get cards, messages, support. But with miscarriage, you often come home to silence. That needs to change,” she asserts.

As she continues to navigate life without children, Dee has found purpose in her role as an aunt and through her advocacy work. She wishes to convey a message of hope to others dealing with infertility, encouraging them not to let their struggles define their entire lives. “I thought I had no purpose if I didn’t have a baby, but we all have purpose,” she reflects.

Her advice to others in similar situations is straightforward: “Have a hobby. Go for dinner. Meet your friends. Have the glass of wine. Don’t put your whole life on pause.” Dee believes that sharing her story may help others feel less isolated in their experiences.

To follow Dee’s journey and hear more about her insights on fertility and loss, listeners can tune into her podcast Finding Space with Dee Kelly on platforms like Spotify or connect with her on Instagram at www.instagram.com/findingspace__dk/.