Dee Kelly’s IVF Journey: Navigating Loss and Finding Purpose

Dee Kelly, a 45-year-old woman from Ireland, has navigated a challenging five-year journey filled with repeated miscarriages and unsuccessful IVF treatments. Beginning her efforts to conceive in 2020, she quickly experienced initial success, but tragedy struck when a routine scan revealed a miscarriage at 11 weeks in early 2021. The news, delivered without her husband Alan by her side due to COVID-19 restrictions, marked the beginning of a strenuous path filled with emotional and physical challenges.

After her first miscarriage, Dee underwent a D&C procedure, with medical professionals assuring her she would conceive again soon. Unfortunately, her next pregnancy ended in another miscarriage, followed by a second D&C. This time, complications arose. “I kept bleeding and was told it was fine, but I knew it wasn’t,” she recalled. Months later, a private scan revealed retained tissue that required further surgery, with Dee narrowly avoiding a serious infection.

Over the following years, Dee underwent various fertility treatments, including Clomid, IVF cycles, and embryo transfers, all leading to repeated failures. By the end of 2021, her mental health deteriorated significantly. “I was having suicidal thoughts. I had become obsessed. Looking back now, I can see I wasn’t well,” she admitted. Despite paying thousands for treatments, there was little support or counseling available during this difficult period.

In 2022, Dee’s IVF journey took another tragic turn when she experienced a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Rushed to the emergency room, she lost two liters of blood and spent four days hospitalized, receiving blood transfusions. “I had no idea an ectopic pregnancy was even a risk with IVF,” she reflected. This harrowing experience underscored the physical and emotional toll of her fertility struggles.

January 2024 brought another IVF round, which ended in yet another miscarriage. Shortly after, a natural pregnancy resulted in a chemical pregnancy, leading Dee to a profound realization. “I realised my body had been through enough. My head had been through too much,” she stated, marking a turning point in her understanding of her journey.

Dee’s story highlights a broader issue surrounding infertility and miscarriage, particularly the silence that often envelops these experiences. “People share the IVF success stories. They don’t talk about when it doesn’t work out. But that’s just as real,” she emphasized. This loss extends beyond physical pregnancies to the dreams and futures envisioned for those babies.

Determined to shift the conversation around miscarriage, Dee launched a podcast titled Finding Space, where she interviews women about their experiences with pregnancy loss and fertility challenges. Additionally, she is actively supporting Nicola Ryan’s pregnancy loss bill in Ireland, which aims to introduce paid leave and a miscarriage register. “When someone dies, you get cards, messages, support. But with miscarriage, you often come home to silence. That needs to change,” she said.

As Dee learns to accept life without children, she wishes for more openness on the topic. “I wish I’d known that a life without children could still be one of joy,” she explained, finding purpose in her role as both a biological and honorary aunt.

Her journey, while not what she initially envisioned, has provided her with insights she wants to share with others facing similar struggles. “Have a hobby. Go for dinner. Meet your friends. Have the glass of wine. Don’t put your whole life on pause,” she advises. Dee emphasizes that everyone has purpose, regardless of their circumstances. “Maybe I was meant to have these experiences so I could talk about them, so I could help other people,” she concluded.

Dee Kelly’s journey is a testament to resilience in the face of adversity and the importance of community support during challenging times. For those interested in following her journey, she shares her insights on Instagram at www.instagram.com/findingspace__dk/ and through her podcast, available on Spotify.