End-of-Life Doulas Provide Compassionate Support for the Dying

The role of end-of-life doulas is gaining recognition as they provide vital support to individuals nearing death. Sinéad Ryan, a trained doula and member of the Doula Association of Ireland, recalls a poignant moment during a Zoom call with a 92-year-old client who confided her fears and secrets. This experience underscored Ryan’s commitment to her profession, which is increasingly in demand as more individuals seek compassionate, non-medical support during life’s final chapter.

Ryan is among a growing number of end-of-life doulas in Ireland, a service that has been evolving but is often misunderstood. Trained in the Peaceful Presence Programme in Oregon, she offers companionship and practical assistance to those facing the end of life. In her work, she often encounters clients who, despite being prepared in practical terms, struggle emotionally with their mortality.

“I had this one very elderly lady who was absolutely remarkable,” Ryan explained in an interview with the Irish Examiner. “She had her think-ahead planner all filled out, but her daughter reached out to me because she needed someone to talk to without burdening her family.” This particular client, who required continuous oxygen, surprised Ryan with her ability to navigate technology for their conversation.

Some individuals, however, resist addressing their impending death. Ryan recounted a case of a man who could not accept his condition and avoided discussions about it, even declining to plan his funeral. “Some people will go their whole lives without facing the fact that death is an inevitability. We are all going to die someday, but some are less accepting of this than others,” she noted.

The concept of a doula may be relatively new in Ireland, but Ryan emphasizes that the essence of the role has existed for generations. Historically, community members, often referred to as wise women, provided support to those nearing the end of life, akin to midwives assisting with childbirth.

Professional Support with a Personal Touch

Simon Palmero, also an end-of-life doula, brings extensive experience from his 27 years in nursing, with 13 years specifically in palliative care. Although he has only been working as a doula for less than a year, his background enhances his ability to provide holistic care. “I am a clinical nurse manager, looking after children with complex needs and life-limiting conditions. This role allows me to focus on the social, psychological, and spiritual aspects of care,” he explained.

Palmero emphasizes the importance of addressing “unfinished business” for those at the end of life. This might include writing letters, recording messages, or fulfilling personal wishes. “There are often things they want to sort out, whether it’s making birthday cards for their children or seeking forgiveness,” he added. He described scenarios where practical assistance is needed, such as preparing meals for caregivers who are emotionally and physically exhausted.

One particularly meaningful request involved a client asking Palmero to be present during their baptism. “I was deeply honoured by this,” he said, highlighting the intimate and personal nature of the support doulas provide.

Palmero advocates for the essential role of end-of-life doulas as part of a broader support network that includes hospices and home care organizations. He noted the work of organizations such as the Irish Cancer Society and Jack and Jill, which offer crucial assistance to families dealing with terminal illness. “End-of-life doulas are part of a massive jigsaw puzzle,” he explained, stressing that their presence can alleviate the burden on families during a challenging time.

Finding Joy in the Final Days

Both Ryan and Palmero share a common belief that joy and connection can still be found in life during its final moments. “It’s all about sitting back with the person you love, holding their hand, and stroking their hair—whatever you need to do to support them in their final days,” Palmero said. He emphasized that even in the face of death, there can be laughter and reminiscing, making the experience less about sorrow and more about celebrating life.

As the landscape of end-of-life care continues to evolve, the contributions of doulas like Sinéad Ryan and Simon Palmero highlight the importance of compassionate support for those nearing death. Their commitment to providing emotional and practical assistance speaks to the profound human experience of navigating mortality with dignity and grace.