Adventurous Irishman Faces Unexpected Trouble at Dollywood

Irish author Carl Kinsella recently shared an amusing yet alarming experience during his travels in Tennessee, which he recounted in his book, “At Least It Looks Good From Space.” While visiting the popular theme park Dollywood, Kinsella found himself at odds with local security over two bottles of moonshine he had purchased earlier.

On an overcast August day, Kinsella explored the town of Gatlinburg, nestled at the foot of the Great Smoky Mountains. His journey led him to various attractions, including a unique museum that has since been demolished, dedicated to the life of Jesus Christ. Although he was intrigued, he regretted not paying the entrance fee to the now-defunct Christ in the Smokies museum.

During his two-day stay, Kinsella also visited the Ole Smoky Distillery, where he purchased two bottles of moonshine. The experience at the distillery contrasted sharply with the more rustic image of moonshine production, as it resembled a polished retail operation rather than a backwoods distillery.

On his final day in Tennessee, Kinsella’s excitement to visit Dollywood quickly turned into a comedic crisis. As he approached the park’s security check, he was ordered to remove all items from his backpack. When the security guard discovered the moonshine, he sternly warned Kinsella about the legal implications of possessing alcohol in the theme park.

Kinsella attempted to explain his predicament by declaring, “I’m sorry, sir. I am Irish. I have no idea what’s going on.” He hoped this would grant him an exemption from local laws. Unfortunately, the guard was not amused, and Kinsella found himself in a situation that heightened his anxiety.

Feeling trapped, Kinsella pondered his options. He considered fleeing or confronting the guard, but ultimately decided to relinquish the bottles. Following this, he devised a plan to avoid losing his purchases entirely. At the lost-and-found kiosk, he cleverly asked if the staff could pretend he had lost the bottles, but the attendant declined his request for liability reasons.

Ultimately, Kinsella made the difficult decision to dispose of the moonshine. He placed the bottles in a nearby bin, noting the location in case he changed his mind later. Returning to the security line, he reassured the guard that he had disposed of the alcohol, though he was met with skepticism.

Once inside Dollywood, Kinsella made a call to his mother, revealing the anxiety of the situation. His mother, familiar with his tendencies to overthink, offered a practical solution: perhaps he should consider traveling with company in the future. This advice, while correct, felt unhelpful in that moment.

As Kinsella wandered the park, he became more comfortable with the unique atmosphere around him. He observed performers, families enjoying their day, and a striking slogan on a T-shirt: “Tennessee moonshine! It’s only illegal if you get caught.” This humorous line resonated with him, drawing a parallel to his earlier experience.

His day at Dollywood, despite the unexpected chaos, served as a reminder of the unpredictable nature of travel. Kinsella reflected on the joy and absurdity found in such experiences, solidifying his appreciation for the adventures that come with exploring new places, even when they lead to unforeseen challenges.