Dee Kelly Reflects on Five-Year IVF Journey and Loss

When Dee Kelly and her husband, Alan, began their journey to parenthood in 2020, they could not have anticipated the emotional and physical toll it would take over the next five years. After a quick initial pregnancy, Dee faced a heartbreaking miscarriage at just 11 weeks during a scan in early 2021. Due to COVID-19 restrictions, Alan was not permitted to accompany her, leaving Dee to navigate the difficult experience alone.

Following that loss, Dee became pregnant again but went through another miscarriage, which led to a second dilation and curettage (D&C). Complications arose during this procedure, causing Dee to experience persistent bleeding. She later discovered that retained tissue required additional surgery, nearly putting her at risk for sepsis.

Over the next three years, Dee endured various treatments, including Clomid, multiple cycles of IVF, and embryo transfers, all of which resulted in repeated failures. “At the end of 2021, I was having suicidal thoughts. I had become obsessed,” she recalls. “Looking back now, I can see I wasn’t well. But at the time, there was no support, no counselling, nothing. You’re paying thousands and nobody checks if you’re coping.”

In 2022, Dee’s IVF treatment led to a ruptured ectopic pregnancy, necessitating emergency surgery. She lost two litres of blood and spent four days in the hospital receiving blood transfusions. “I had no idea an ectopic pregnancy was even a risk with IVF,” she said, highlighting the lack of information and support surrounding such medical procedures.

The cycle of loss continued into 2024, when another round of IVF resulted in a miscarriage. Shortly after, Dee experienced a natural pregnancy that ended in a chemical pregnancy. At this point, Dee was 45 years old. “I realised my body had been through enough. My head had been through too much,” she stated, reflecting on the emotional burden of her experiences.

Dee’s story underscores a reality that is often overlooked: the struggles many face when fertility treatments do not yield the desired results. “People share the IVF success stories. They don’t talk about when it doesn’t work out. But that’s just as real,” she said. “I lost all those babies, but I also lost the future I imagined—school days, birthdays, everything.”

In an effort to shift the narrative surrounding fertility and loss, Dee launched a podcast called Finding Space. Through this platform, she interviews women about their experiences with pregnancy loss, fertility struggles, and the associated grief. Dee is also advocating for legislative changes in Ireland, supporting Nicola Ryan’s pregnancy loss bill, which aims to introduce paid leave and a miscarriage register.

“When someone dies, you get cards, messages, support. But with miscarriage, you often come home to silence,” she explained. “That needs to change.”

Today, Dee is learning to accept a life without children, finding joy in new roles as an aunt and in her relationships. “I wish I’d known that a life without children could still be one of joy. I’ve come to realise there’s still purpose in my life, even without a baby,” she said.

Dee’s advice for others navigating fertility treatments is straightforward: “Don’t let it take over everything. Have a hobby. Go for dinner. Meet your friends. Have the glass of wine. Don’t put your whole life on pause.” She encourages others to recognize their purpose beyond parenting, stating, “Maybe I was meant to have these experiences so I could talk about them, so I could help other people.”

You can follow Dee Kelly’s journey on Instagram at www.instagram.com/findingspace__dk/ or listen to her podcast, Finding Space with Dee Kelly, on Spotify.